just tell him i said nine months
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize