I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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