Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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