I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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