seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
