Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
