The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to be your penis for a week.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
