Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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