dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
