Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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