and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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