So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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