im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
