At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize