You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
