Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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