Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
