I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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