i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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