you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
