I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
