her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
