fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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