All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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