Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
