oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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