He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
