Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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