I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
