Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
