try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
