its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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