chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
