i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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