I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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