The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
