Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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