i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
