We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
