I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize