I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"