I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!