New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY