so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.