Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.