she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
