i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
