Kiss
Puke
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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