so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
