Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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