I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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