Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
