if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
