thus making me awesome and them whores
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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