if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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