I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
