At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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