He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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