We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
