haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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