I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
