I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
