he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize