i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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