If i come over, it means nothing
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
