uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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